This is a bit late getting out, mainly because I’ve been sick since I came back to Haiti and have been playing catch up with everything else. It seems like I’m just getting better from one illness and another one hits. Praying this awful cycle is finished soon!
It is bittersweet to read the words three months. Three months means I have reached the halfway point in my term here in Haiti. Three months means that in the same amount of time, I’ll be headed back to Canada, headed back to work, and headed back to my North American life. It’s bittersweet to think about.
It has been a different month with the holidays and traveling in and out of the country. Things haven’t been “normal” but are things ever “normal”? I love traveling, and being home for Christmas with my family was great but I was so happy to get back to Haiti. I quickly got back into my routine and it was like I had never left.
Some things have surprised me this month though. I didn’t expect to be homesick at all since I was so excited to come back but I have been. And not in the same way as when I first got here, it’s more of a subtle homesickness. I miss certain aspects of my Canadian life while being here. I miss waking up to my sisters giggling and whispering over me, I miss snuggling with them and listening to them chatter. I miss hanging out with my friends and having people my age to be around. I miss talking with my mom as she folds laundry or cooks supper. I miss the comforts of home, like putting on a sweater and sweatpants and just relaxing. I miss being apart of my church and the activities they do. I miss my co workers and patients. I think being sick has played a part in the homesickness, all I want is my momma when I’m sick and to have her so far away was difficult. But I’m a big girl who made through without my momma. ?
On top of feeling homesick, I came back to seeing big (bad) personality changes in my big kids which was so unlike them. It broke my heart to see how much they had changed in two weeks and basically didn’t want anything to do with anyone, especially me. To see the unkindness shown towards the younger kids and the anger when asked to do a task was something I hadn’t seen so strongly in the time I had been here. Some heart-to-heart’s were much needed and almost three hours later it seemed to make a small difference. The attitudes changed and I saw the old personalities coming out that I knew and loved. What a burden it is on your heart when you know your kids are upset and angry yet won’t be honest with you.
There are daily frustrations with people or when things don’t work out the way you want them to but its all worth it in the end and it does eventually work out, just not on our timing like we would prefer. Sometimes all it takes is a heart to heart that lasts for a few hours to work things out or sometimes the situation just takes a lot of prayer and patience.
To spend time with my kids and hug my kids and walk with my kids is my most favourite thing here. Simple things can turn chaotic in no time simply due the sheer number of kids we have (for the third time, play-doh DOES NOT get stuck to the rough cement ceiling!!!). But they are sweet and they are loving and they are kids and part of raising them is to teach them right from wrong which sometimes seems like all we do is tell them not to do this or that. But at the end of the day, it is all about the children, whether it’s been a good day or bad one, it is all for them. God has called us here to raise these kids, and I pray everything we do brings glory to Him.
God has shown me His great love this month, how much He wants me, and how much worth I have in Him. I am reading His word completely differently then I have before, it’s like I can’t get enough of it. Pretty amazing feeling.
I suppose a person would always have a wanting for their home whether they’ve been away for two weeks or twenty years. Your home will always be your home, your family and your people will always be yours, your heart will never be completely settled while in one place, you will always long for one place or the other. I will always have two homes, one in Canada, and one in Haiti. I always miss one when I’m at the other, my heart will never be fully settled in one place or the other. Sometimes I wish I could have the best of both worlds, living here yet having aspects of my Canadian life also. I imagine anyone who lives away from their hometown would feel the same, home will always be home no matter where I end up.
Continue to pray for our kids, pray for the big ones who are near grown up. The big ones who are struggling with the those teenage problems and feelings and trying to sort out where to put their heads. Pray for the middle kids who are growing up into the teenage stage and need extra love and direction. Pray for the little kids as we try to teach them right from wrong and how much Jesus loves them. Even with dealing with all the different aspects of this month, I still love it here and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I thank Jesus every day for bringing me here and allowing me to experience this, His plans are always the best.
Joce
